My Experience Series: An Experience That Helped Me Learn Endurance and Tolerance

This week on "my experience series",I have another story to share from
a lady who would love her identity hidden. She is an
outspoken lady who loves having fun and hanging out with
friends. According to her,she loves saying things the way they are and
takes serious things seriously. She is a graduate student in one of
the renowned universities in the south west part of nigeria. She
shared one of her experiences from back in her secondary school days
that really helped her learn tolerance and how to cope with others. I
believe you will learn a lesson or two from her story.

Well,when I was in SS2,my
parents decided it would be best i attempted writing the west african
senior school certificate exam(WASSCE) to see if I could pass well
before I write my SSCE in my final year in secondary school.

So,I was enrolled for the nov/dec WASSCE that year,but I chose a
centre in a village cos it is believed that one can make all the
papers at once if you chose to write the exam in such a place. So,I
got a village centre somewhere in oyo state and the exam was to last
for 3 weeks.

This meant that I would be needing accommodation,so my mum started
making some enquires. It happened that there was this woman that my
mum usually greets around my area whenever they meet, she stays on the
street before ours,her daughter also wanted to write the same exam in
the
very centre I'd chosen.

So they got talking,and the woman and my mum agreed it would be a good
idea if their daughters stayed together. A
week after their discussion,the woman informed my mum that
someone had found an accommodation for her daughter in the village
where we were to write the exam, so she told my mum to end her search.
I guess they met again where they agreed that I wouldn't be needing to
get cooking stuffs like stove and
pots,since the woman's daughter would be bringing those along,but I
wasn't happy about this though I'd to agree with my mum.

So we set out for the village when it was time for the exam. On the
first day,I was the one that cleaned the room,cooked food from the
foodstuffs I'd brought from home,which we ate together,after which we
gisted. As days went by,i discovered she was the lazy type who
wouldn't do basic chores like fetching water,cleaning the room and
washing the dishes.

The usual me would have complained immediately cos am used to division
of labour in my
house,but I was afraid to complain  cos I didnt know what stuff she
was made of.

I became very uncomfortable and to worsen matters,at night when I want
to read is when she would start listening to music or singing loudly.

After a while,I exhausted all my foodstuffs which we had eaten
together while hers remain untouched, so naturally I asked
that she brought out her foodstuffs for us to cook but she wasn't
having any of that and plainly rejected my request.I had to go without
food at times cos i
was managing the little money i was given and there wasn't anything
like mobile phones back then that I could have used to call home about
my situation.

At that point I couldnt take it anymore,so one day, I picked up a
quarrel with her in a bid to make her feel guilty and bring out her
foodstuffs from where she had hidden it, but it back fired. She just
packed her stove and hid the candle which we used to read at night. It
got so bad that one day after we'd finished a paper,when we got
home,she entered the room before me and locked me out cos she had the
keys. I knocked on the door till I got tired of knocking but she
didn't open up and I ended up passing the night somewhere else.

Let me add here that at that point, I had made new friends in the
village and they were really helpful in the area of food and shelter.
They really encouraged me with their advice,I found solace in them as
they shared the little they had with me. Sometimes, I cried cos I just
couldn't fathom what i did wrong to her to deserve the kind of
treatment she was giving me but i just concluded her behaviour towards
me was borne out of bitterness and envy cos I seemed to be doing fine
with my study for the exams,and was even putting others through but
she couldn't ask for my assistance for obvious reasons. I had to
endure her for a while longer since we were about
rounding off the exams.

As we were leaving on the last day of our stay there, I told her I had
forgiven her for all that she did to me, but she didnt apologise.
Today,she is still the person I knew her to be;she's assisting her mum
in her shop but doesn't seem like she's progressing.

I told myself if I could endure all treatment from a girl of my
age,and came out better,then there is no situation or person I can't
cope or stay with.

This disposition really helped me in the university cos i stayed in
the hostel in my undergraduate days. I remember this bunk mate of
mine that was always keeping her cooked food inside the small wardrobe
we shared,I quarrelled with her over it and she stopped talking to me.
I knew she liked me so i used this weakness against her by continuing
talking with her and gradually I was able to help modify that
behaviour
of hers,which included also her habit of drying her washed undies
inside the same wardrobe. We became even closer  and she tells me she
really admires me;she is married now.

I was able to learn how to accommodate other people no matter their
attitude or background because people have
different parental trainng which shapes their behaviour. Though I love
having things done my way,but I have also learned to let go in some
situations cos i can't have control over everything. I was also able
to learn how to share things with others. I believe this experience
I'd much earlier in life really prepared me for the future which am in
now,am really grateful I had it